The wisdom of Robert (Bob) M. Cohen 1941-2007
- If things were slow in the shop, he would shout "whoop!" and then say "
what are we doing? Whooping it up!"
- "kill them all, let God sort them out" - but he did not know that was a paraphrase of Cardinal Rechelu's "Kill them all, God will choose his own"
- He would talk to the truck driver about how spring would come and the women students would take off their down vests and be in tee shirts again
- Of the local police chief at the time - " His strength is that he isn't afraid to hire officers who are smarter than he is"
- his favorite tool - BFH - big fucking hammer
- the herman - a cubic mouthful of breast
- he had a Volvo which would never get south of Windsor without breaking
- in the army he wrote "combat" over his name on his fatigues - as in "Combat Cohen", a takeoff on the comic book "Combat Kelly"
- He called himself "Sweet Old Bob" but just went by the initials
- One of the Raleigh bike salesmen, Bob Bolyn, called him "sir" , Bob Cohen objected, and Bob Bolen said "well I can pronounce it "cur"
- When you own a bicycle repair shop, you have almost all the tools you need to repair wheelchairs. Seeing as Mary Hitchcock Hospital is a renowned institution connected with Dartmouth college, Dad did a bit of side work for the pedestrially different residents in town. One day in The Pedaler, dad's helper Wayne had just finished working on a chair---truing the spokes, checking the brakes, what have you. Wayne then sat down in the chair for a quick test drive in the store, popping a few wheelies and making sure everything worked.
As two women walked into the store, Dad walked around the counter and laid his hand on Wayne's head.
"Arise, my son, and walk."
So Wayne got up.
And then the two ladies almost fell over with shock.
(this is from Jay Cohen)
- If you can't take a fuck, Joke 'em (from Kevin Walsh)
- He paid his condimnium fee in doller coins as a protest against something that bothered him. The local TV station came and put it on the air.
- It is like hitting your head against the wall - it feels so good when you stop
- he thinks his shit doesn't stink
- I overheard Emil Reub, who owned the Camera Store, said "My employees are my fingers, and my fingers aren't doing what I tell them." I told Bob and he said "There is no one more German than a German Jew."
- The better part of him ran down his father's leg
- hung like a Stud Butterfly
- When I shave I don't see stubble, I see beauty
- Step a little closer to the razor when you shave
- There hasn't been so much excitement here since the pig ate grandpaw! (referring to the Stanley Brothers song? )
- Of a local merchant: You never knew he drank till you saw him sober
- of an indecisive customer: If you thought that much before your first time you'd still be a virgin
- if someone said "Oh Shit!" Bob would say "I have already today, thank you"
- He let people try the bicycles by riding around the nieghborhood. One time a guy from a college in upstate New York, a track runner, stole a bicycle. Bob found out who whe was, and he had a friend who was a lawyer for the Mafia recommend a bill collector. Apparently they get the same 30 % as a legal bill collector. The Mafia guy threatened to break the guy's legs, and Bob got his money.
- Bob had a headlight mounted on the rear bumper of his car. He said it was for backing up in road ralleys, but he also would flash it in the face of anyone behind him who didn't dim his headlights. On a road trip to NYC with Bob he would aim his high beams at people going the other direction who had their high beams on.
- Bob had scotty dogs, with names like Spoytte and Phydeaux. Phydeaux would roam around town and the dog catcher would bring him back. He was a veryy mellow and friendly dog and hung out around the bicycle shop. aAnother dog, I think Spoytte, was a bit too barky for the shop, and so she went to Hackley Fairfax III who kept her trimmed very sharp. After Bob's divorce Phydeaux was his best companion and Bob was heartbroken when the dog got hit by a car.
- Bob liked guns, and had an old Tokarev revolver, Russian, that made a big noise, and flashed sparks from around the cylinder when you shot it. He called it his "fun gun"
- When Bob was married he had license plates on his two cars which read DREK and DRECK. The New Hampshire people didn't get it but in Jewish neighborhoods in New York they did. When asked, he would say it referred to the NH motto "Live Free or Die" on the plates.
- Rather than his first dollar, Bob had a framed check for his first dollar
- Hernia transplant
- Slicker than rat shit in the dresser drawer on Sunday morning!
- I'd be willing to bet your life on it.
- talking about snow in the south - An act of God put it there, an act of God is going to take it away